Ever watch Top Chef? The chefs on that show are really talented. Forget even the masters or all-stars competition. Even the regular seasons have very accomplished chefs who have worked in some of the most prestigous restaurants, under the world's finest culinary geniuses, competing. Every watch the Food Network or cooking channel? Not quite the same caliber.
Sure, you have Bobby Flay - who really is a great chef. And I am sure all the hosts make delicious food. But, I shudder to say this, I am not sure they really are particularly good cooks..and this goes even for the ones I really love - like Paula Deen. A few observations:
1) I once watched Guy Fieri make a potato dish he assured us is delicious. I don't doubt it. The recipe called for a bunch of potatos, mixed with sour cream, cheddar cheese, bacon, sauteed onions and butter. That tastes good? You don't say. You mean approaching a potato as a vehicle for every fat-laden ingredient in your kitchen results in a heart-stoppingly tasty dish? What genius. It's the culinary equivalent of buying a Ferrari, simply slamming down the gas and saying, "this is how you drive fast." Anyone with a foot can do that...it doesn't require actual driving skill.
2) Giada De Laurentis actually does appear to cook some good stuff that might require skill and knowledge outside that of a particularly slow second-grader. Sorry, but there's a "but" here: 1) Nobody blows smoke up her own ass quite the way Giada does. "This is AMAZING!!!" Um...stop that now. 2) It takes Giada a solid four-hours to cook a dish that feeds more than herself. The way she delicately sprinkles salt and slowly plates everything, one has to wonder what kind of catering this women did before getting her own show. "So you need me to serve 50 people at your house on a Saturday in May? Okay, I'll need to begin setting up in February."
3) I love me some Paula Deen...but I mean, come on. I watched her make grits and I was intersted in how a top Southern chef cooks such a staple dish and makes them delicious. Here's how Paula does it. A block of velveeta. A stick of butter. Okay, there's no skill there. There just isn't. (Sorry, I still love you Paula).
4) There's a Chinese woman on the Cooking Channel who has created a show that has her repeatedly preparing exactly the same meal. She runs around England talking to fish-mongers and poultry processors, etc. And then, in a very academic tone, shows us that by mixing any and every protein in a hot wok with some vegetables and soy sauce, you can create a dish. Clearly, she made it to her first day at culinary school, learned this one technique, and applied it to literally every edible item in Britain.
5) Okay, I hate to do this one too, but Debi Mazar? Now, I love her, okay? She's hot and tough and a talented actress and knows it. She was awesome even in her bit part in Goodfellas as Ray Liotta's second whore in command who mixed all the cocaine in her apartment. So good as the publicist in Entourage, etc. But she ups and marries some cute guy from Italy and suddenly they have a cooking show called - get this - Extra Virgin (it's a clever title named after oil and someone REALLY committed to never bumpin' uglies). The program basically shows her adorable husband and her traipsing around various Italy and LA-based locations cooking dishes you could never have conjured up on your own (Boil store-bought spaghetti. Sautee garlic and tomatoes for sauce. Serve). My funfetti-obsessed, 14 year-old cousin could impart more culinary wisdom.
There are plenty others. Nigella Lawson uses adjectives more liberally than bacon...and with decidedly less skill. "Now use your glorious spatula and pick up the slutty achnovies and enrapture yourself in the glorious sunshiney orbs of egg yolks..." Give me a break. Two Fat Ladies seem to develop dishes on the spot - pretending that the recipes they are cooking have more forethought than grabbing whatever is nearby - which is clearly what they are doing. "Then throw some...what is that...tarragon! Yes, tarragon! Throw some tarragon onto your chocolate torte and, ummm, bake it. Americans are unbearable! Haha! Cheerio!" (They consistently utter the most offensive things about Americans).
Top Chef is in a league of its own...
Brilliant. :-)
ReplyDelete