Atlantic City: Where Personal Space Goes to Die

So I just returned from Atlantic City for a close friend's bachelor party. It truly was a great time...great to catch up with my friends who I've known for 20 years, drink, gamble, hit up a strip joint where you check-in your cell phone and bring your own beer at a coat check-styled line, etc.  Yet, the strip club is not the only time you can have a tit in your face.  In fact, the first jug in my mug happened earlier that night:  at the roulette wheel.

I love roulette.  It courts the dumbest at the casino, which is actually saying something.  I mean, you really don't need a functioning cerebrum to play this game.  Basically, you toss chips all over the board and hope that the little ball lands on one of those numbers.  Voila, you've just learned a key casino strategy (your welcome). 

But there's always someone willing to dumb even the dumbest game up, and up comes Ms. Mammary...who positioned herself next to/on top of me at Trump Plaza.  First, let's start with her strategy. This genius actually bet the exact same amount on both red AND black on each spin.  First, it's not even fool-proof - because it can land on 0 or 00, both of which are green, and you lose.  Or it lands on red or black, which is a wash.  If the only possible outcomes are either losing or breaking even, you are not in the game (good lesson for life as well). 

You know what else she did?  She refused every offer I made to place her chips on black, so instead, she leaned over me boob first every single spin to make that dumbass bet each time.  Yet that wasn't the only assault on my personal space that evening either.

At the blackjack table, a jumpy guy unsure if he wanted to join the game stood next to me and paced back and forth , his nether regions dangerously close to my elbow.  Earlier in the night a woman so excited by my slot machine win ($50) jumped excitedly behind me and massaged my shoulders.  Would you like me to go on with this? 

It wasn't even crowded at Trump Plaza (the hotel is WAY past its prime).  Yet, as many people who are close to me are well aware, the safest bet in the house is that the dumbest/craziest people will always find me.