Here Goes Nothing

This is all your fault.  You listened to my rantings on Facebook.  You responded to them.  You "liked" them.  You suggested I start a blog.  It's out of my control.

But, now that I'm here, I might as well embrace it.  Topics to be covered:  Reality TV (obvi).  Politics here and there - including my often unpopular positions on current events/news.  Life observations.  Whatever floats my boat...I hope it floats yours too.

So let's jump right in and get into the Ina Garten ("Barefoot Contessa") mess that recently unfolded.  The truth, it's most likely not her fault that a young boy was denied his wish to cook with her.  It probably was never even made aware to her...a publicist probablye exhibited extremely poor judgment and she beared the brunt. Not fair.  However, there are other reasons to not like Barefoot Contessa (heretofore, Barefoot Contessa will be used to reference her persona on the show, Ina Garten will be used to reference the real person in real life).  Here they are in no particular order:

1)  "Just make it casual".  Ina says this nonstop - but she needs to check a dictionary.  Nowhere does it say that cooking all day and night, putting together flowers and table-settings, serving hors d'eourves, etc...is "casual."  She doesn't understand the word.

2)  She blows smoke up her own ass.  "Isn't this delicious!"  Well, you made it!

3)  She has the most forced laugh of all time.  "Dan loves olives!!  hahahaha!!!!  It's hysterical!!  I am trying to make everything seem more funny and interesting than it is so you can admire my life!"

4)  "Don't have any fun until I get back."  She seems to think this is just brilliantly funny, since she says it EVERY SINGLE TIME she has someone ever.  Which goes back to number one.  If it's such a "casual" meal, why does she have to go back to the kitchen every three minutes to roast, saute, carve or plate something?

5)  She once said this, and I'm not kidding:  "When you have people over, put some chocolates on the bed.  It's really important."  Not, "it's really nice" or "cute" but it's important.  Important how?  Let's say for instance you''re not a Hamptons housewife with endless time and money to gallavant around town all day picking up important chocolates for your guests.  Let's go back to number one:  casual.  How casual a life is it when you are down to having to get expensive chocolates to put on the bed in your guest room?  Is there turn-down service too?

6)  Her camera man seems to always make sure he gets a view out of her car from the passenger seat that shows the Mercedes symbol at the end of the hood.  We get it...sista has some serious cash.  The mansion in the Hamptons tipped us off - and the fact that the olive oil she uses with reckless abandon is over $20 a bottle.  Stop shoving her money in our faces.

7)  You know who I like?  Jeffrey.  You know what i don't like?  Ina's greasy hands all over him the minute he walks into a room and her complete and total invasion of his personal space.  Wonder why he's not around more than two days a week?  I don't.

8)  My friend is stopping by to use the bathroom!  It's a "Party!"...let me make one of my infamous, CASUAL, three-course lunches!

9)  Paula Deen gets all the heat for cooking with a lot of fat, but Ina might actually be worse.  I watched her make pecan bars with, are you ready for this, NINE sticks of butter in it - 5 for the filling, 4 for the shortbread crust.  She tries to sidestep this by saying things like, "It makes a lot of pecan bars."  Bullshit.  NO amount of mercedes cars and fancy Hamptons houses can hide the fact that you're running a grease pit.  

10)  Whenever she is serving food, she starts talking in this hushed, high-pitched tone and her voice runs out.  "Steve, would you like some roasted brussel sprouts?" ...and her voice sort of pitches upward at the end.  It's annoying.  If she wasn't so concerned with setting a scene, she wouldn't talk like that.  But there's nothing genuine in the world of Barefoot Contessa.. It's all fake parties, fake friends, fake "casual", etc. 

Don't have any fun till she gets back indeed.