Warning: Depressing (but possibly thoughtful) post ahead.
“You never know what happens behind closed doors.” Of all the oft-repeated phrases in modern lexicon, this one is repeatedly proven true. If the Pythagorean Theorem is the most proven precept in the mathematical world (I believe it is), then the notion that appearances say nothing of what’s going on beneath the surface has to be its counterpart in the social world.
In fact, appearances are often carefully constructed deceptions designed to obfuscate the real truth beneath the surface (see Narcissus). This week, Russell Armstrong, husband of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ star Taylor Armstrong took his life. If not for the show itself, he’d appear to have it all. He had a beautiful wife and daughter. He drives a Bentley and lives in a Beverly Hills mansion. He had what on its face seemed to be a successful career as an investor. He was not gorgeous by any means but a nice-looking guy. The show, however, and the press surrounding it, revealed a very different person than the one he appeared to be.
In truth, he came off as an extremely emotionally detached husband and father. Zero social skills. Mired in debt and on the brink of financial ruin. A possibly violent temperament…a notion bolstered by the fact that Taylor – along with Russell’s ex-wife and ex-girlfriend – all reported similar tales of physical abuse (everyone but Taylor had a restraining order on him). In short…he was NOTHING like what he would appear to be.
People are often quick to blame the show or the publicity around it for driving this guy to the brink and I don’t buy it for a second. He was a tortured soul. He was being sued for possibly bilking a company out of $1.5 million to support the fictional lifestyle he put out there. His relationship with his family was clearly strained. His violent past existed long before the program did. I truly believe that he was a ticking time bomb. If it wasn't one thing, it would have been another. Certainly, there are people who take immense challenges in life on the chin and find an inner resolve to go on. Russell Armstrong, unfortunately, wasn’t one of them.
His story…and others like it…remind me of one of my favorite poems. Simple and poignant. It’s called Richard Cory by Edwin Arlington Robinson.
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich – yes, richer than a king –
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
People are rarely who you think they are. That’s why it’s so special when you meet and get to know someone and they turn out to be someone you love for one reason or another. All too often, you meet someone who’s great on paper but not so great in life. It’s a lesson that many people unfortunately don’t want to learn. I’d rather the real thing than the resume. Show me an arrogant guy and I'll show you an insecure one. Show me someone who brags endlessly about himself and I'll show you a guy who NEEDS to say those things to cover up massive insecurities. Show me someone who takes his/her gifts and accomplishments in stride and doesn't care what others think and I'll show you something rare....a truly confident person.
Earlier, I mentioned Narcissus. Years ago, my cousin had to read that story for class. He was confused…saying his teacher talked about Narcissus being somewhat self-loathing while the story seemed to suggest he REALLY loved himself. I explained that the story is that he loves his image…the face everyone else sees…the carefully constructed surface that belies the truth beneath. He looks in the pool and sees his reflection. It’s THAT he loves ….not his true self.
Russell Armstrong. Richard Cory. Narcissus. From time immemorial, the lesson that what you see is not necessarily what you get with people is as unchanging as Pythagorean theorem. I admit it's a forced metaphor...but there you go.
